You Know You’re a Fishkeeper When…

Check out these funny one-liners to determine if you're a fishkeeper.

Send us your funny suggestions for how to tell you’re a fishkeeper – you will win 250 Fish eClub points if we post yours!Send your funny one-liners to


You watch fish more than sports.

You read the One-Liners list and almost everyone is true about you!

You have spent more money on live rock for your aquarium than you have on landscaping rock for your entire yard.

In addition to your family and friends, you deliver holiday cookies to the staff at your local aquarium stores.

You would rather watch your fish than TV.

Instead of buying food for yourself, you share with your fish.

You are willing to stick your hand into the tank just to kill a snail.

You know your a fish person when you give up Facebook for FishChannel and all things fish.

Your fish eat better than you do.

Instead of asking for birthday gifts, you ask for giftcards to any store that sells aquarium supplies.

Your local fish store knows you on a first name basis!

You avoid wearing jewelery for fear of  losing  it in a fish tank!

You hire an interior designer to help plan your aquascapes.

You are caught speeding and you tell the police officer that you have to get your fish home and into their tanks before they overheat in their plastic bags on the backseat.

You make yourself a salad and next thing you know your putting it on a veggie clip.

You wonder how deep the ocean would be without sponges.

Everyone at local garage sales know you as “the fish equipment guy.”

You cry everytime Marlin finds Nemo.

You point at a cloud and say, “That one looks like a Melichthys vidua.”

You will only marry someone who loves fish or has fish. (No Exceptions!)

Your right sleeve is always wet.

You talk to your spouse about going shopping and they assume you want a fish.

You ask your spouse if the white spatter marks on the bathroom mirror look like baby snails.

You purchase a $500 garden tiller to help you grow romaine lettuce for your tangs.

You set your alarm on your day off to feed your fish the same time as work days.

You wake up and go downstairs your cat even hops up in front of the fish tank to watch feeding.

Your friend can’t find you, she looks in your fish tank, and you’re swimmimg like a fish.

You go to FA (Fishaholics Anonymous) meetings.

You go to the pet store more than the grocery store.

You eat some of the fish food to make sure your fish will like it, and if you know they won’t, you return it to the fish store immediately.

You kiss your fish goodnight.

You buy Christmas presents for all of your fish.

You bring all of your tanks into one room for a family reunion.

You have more fish tanks than rooms in your house.

You talk to your fish and rely on them to counsel you through a high stress work day!

Your wife says that she will leave you if you buy one more tank. So now you’re worried because you have to decide where to put the new tank.

Your wife says that if you get one more fish tank she is going to leave you — boy will you miss her cooking!

You start a radio program all about fish!

You buy health insurance for your fish.

Your fish have a better house than you do.

You look in the newspaper for your horoscope under aquarist instead of Aquarius.

The only reason you have internet is to get on

You have 100,000 points on your Fish eClub account!

Your fish occupy more rooms than you and your family do.

Your bedtime reading material is Aquarium Fish International.

Your fish tanks are cleaned every week yet your house rarely sees a duster.

There’s at least one tank in every room of your house.

There’s so many tanks and equipment that you can’t hear anything!

You have to move the buckets you use for aquarium water changes out of the tub in order to take a shower.

You post a picture of your aquarium as your background on your “MySpace” page.

You time your shopping trip outings so that your Local Fish Store purchases have an express ride home.

You suggest to your wife that she needs a new outfit just because the Local Fish Store is next door to the clothing shop.

You explain to the police officer that you speeding was “life or death,” and show him the bags of fish to make your point.

Your “Animals Inside” emergency sticker not only has “cat” and “dog” checked, but “other” checked, with the word “fish” written next to it.

You name your puppy Electric Blue.

You tell your spouse you are expecting a package, and he/she says they will put it safely next to the aquarium.

You receive a new fish magazine in the mail once a week.

You have to tell your spouse you are working late so that he/she doesn’t know you’re at the fish store.

You have a Swiss bank account for your fish expenses that your spouse doesn’t know about.

 You have as your homepage, and you check fish forums more regularly than you check your regular e-mail.

The other customers ask you for help instead of the employees.

You visit four or five times a day to see what’s new in the fish world.

You lose sleep because of your new lunar lights.

You pretend you’re the Easter Bunny and you have Easter baskets for your aquariums filled with new decorations and fish treats.

You don’t eat fish sticks because your fish might think you hate them.

Your local fish shop relies on you to stay open.

Your family tree has your fish on it too.

You carry pictures of your fish in your wallet and you show them to anyone who will look.

You start talking to your fish like they’re little kids, hence, baby-talk.

You drive 500 miles to your vacation destination and instead of going sightseeing, you find all of the fish stores.

You’re buying several varieties of fish at PetsMart and the employee asks, “What size is your tank?” You respond, “Which one?” The employee responds, “Never mind.”

You name all your fish and you can identify who they are down to the minute detail.

You give your wife a red claw lobster for Valentine’s Day instead of flowers.

One of your fish is named after your father-in-law due to his bulging stomach.

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Article Categories:
Fish · Lifestyle