Cats like peaceful surroundings, and are easily startled when sounds seem to come out of nowhere. This week, my feline informant brought a list of top-secret cat slang words used to describe those kinds of sounds. He told me this particular Fanglish collection was a difficult one to write because the terms brought up all kinds of scary memories for him. He especially dislikes the sound of the hairdryer because he once rolled around in something foul and his human had to give him a bath. He said he still has nightmares about the blow-drying nightmare that followed the horrific bath time. Still, the treats I give him in exchange for a little taste of the underground cat lexicon makes it well worth it to him. I decided to give him an extra bag this week. You know – for having to relive some pretty rough memories. Poor guy.
So here we go – another cat slang lesson just for you. My informant’s only request is that we don’t share our knowledge with the cats in our lives. They must continue to think we humans know nothing of their special language. They like believing they have some kind of control over us. The joke is … they already have all kinds of control over us!
Are you ready? Here’s your Fanglish lesson!
The thought a cat has when he hears a vacuum cleaner’s motor.
Maxine heard The Lady move into the living room with the vacuum cleaner, and thought, “Hoover, damn!”
A cat’s feelings about the sound of an electric mixer or blender.
The Man decided to make cookies, and Oreo had mixed feelings when she saw him reach for the giant Kitchen Aid mixer.
The thought a cat has when a human turns on a hairdryer.
Theodore was sleeping on the bathroom rug, but raced out of the room thinking, “This blows!” when The Lady started drying her hair.
Eyes popped open when a hearing the sound of a doorbell.
Patches was sleeping soundly, but then her eyes ring popped when the delivery person continued pressing the doorbell.
Left the bathroom because of the alarming sound of a toilet flushing.
Cookie was happy watching The Lady use the facilities, but soon flushed out.
A cat’s doubts of whether or not the sky is falling when he hears a low-flying plane.
Joker had plane reservations and thought it’d be safer to hide under the bed.
A cat’s thoughts during a washing machine’s cycle.
Snowball had agitated thoughts and felt certain the washer was going to eat her.
The loud crying of an infant.
Smokey didn’t like it when Aunt Roxie brought her new baby over for a visit because the ultra sounds was nonstop.
Zero Bark Thirty
The barking of a dog in the wee hours of the morning.
Pumpkin and The Lady awoke at Zero Bark Thirty when they heard the neighbor’s poodle start to yap.
Interrupt a cat’s sleep with a car horn.
Waffles was dreaming of chasing mice when a passing car unexpectedly horned in on his happy sleep.
That’s all for this week! We hope you’ll join us next week for another selection of fine Fanglish terms. Until then, put this week’s list in the mental vault!