I just returned from a work-related trip, and spent my fair share on time aboard airplanes. I know cats sometimes travel with their humans, but we’re going to get silly here, so leave your literal-thinking minds at the door and come with me on the flight of a lifetime!
Please imagine with me that cats can book their own flights, enjoy plane rides, and refuse to check their feline hijinks. Are you with me? Good. Now that we’re on the same page, here are the top 10 things cats would like best about plane rides.
“Now boarding Group 1.” (That’s you – start reading).
10. Jumping off the jump seat
A jump seat is often used by crewmembers during takeoff and landing; however cats think it’s a waste to give something a name like that and then not use it for its obvious function: as a launching pad.
9. Nosing through people’s carry on bags under the seats
Many passengers stow their purses and bags underneath the seat in front of them. There’s an excellent chance most of those bags contain snacks. Score!
8. Sitting on tray tables
An empty, flat surface is just asking for a cat’s butt to park itself there. A cat hears, “Please place your body on the tray table in an upright position.”
7. Making themselves at home in the captain’s chair
Cats are the bosses of all humans, and they love to steal our chairs. Why in the world wouldn’t they kick the captain right out of his or her chair? Cats don’t give a rip if that means they’ve suddenly put every passenger’s life in danger.
6. Hiding in the overhead bins
Ohhh, cool hidey places that are up high! Like cat trees with coats and bags to use as beds! Now this is first class travel!
5. All the windows!
What cat doesn’t want a window seat? What cat’s gonna want aisle seating? Cats care nothing for extra leg room.
4. The possibility of free snacks
Some flights still offer free snacks, especially to first class passengers. Cats automatically assume they’re first class everywhere they go, so SNACKS.
3. Running up and down the aisle
A kitty enjoys having a little space to race around should the mood strike. An airplane aisle is the perfect runway for a cat’s takeoff.
2. The hope that “frequent flyer” has something to do with birds.
One of the reasons cats would keep booking flights is because they think there will be birds on the plane. What else would “frequent flyer” mean? Birds frequently fly, right? Cats are still waiting for this one, and are hopeful the birds will happen soon.
And the No. 1 thing cats would like best about plane rides is … drumroll, please!
1. Lots of laps!
What’s better than one warm human lap? How about 200? On a cross-country flight, a cat could really have his pick of laps on which to nap. Is the passenger in 23D too bony? That’s all right! There’s a grandma with a nice soft lap in 26F. Let the lap-hopping begin!