Pet Rescue Pens Epic Description Of ‘Despot And Dictator’ Cat

A cat's surly side is in full view on an adoption site's profile.

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This cat, and all his, um, peccadillos, could be all yours. Via Pet Rescue
Anastasia Thrift

Some cats are lap cats. Some cats are playful roommates. And some cats are “utter utter utter bastards,” at least according to a recent description about a homeless cat in Australia.

Cats People of Melbourne pet rescue in Melbourne, Australia, this week posted a straightforward, sharp-edged online description of a cat up for adoption. Mr. Biggles, aka Lord Bigglesworth, appears to be a bit of a handful, and rescue workers didn’t hold back on saying so.

Bastard cat

Is this the face of an “utter bastard?” Via Pet Rescue

“Mr. Biggles is a despot and dictator, he will let you know he is not happy, which is often because things are often just not up to his high standards,” the description reads. “Mr. Biggles likes his cuddles on his terms, and will sit in your lap when he decides it’s time. If the stroking is not up to his standards, he will nip you.”

The handsome black cat is a little over 2 years old, microchipped and in good health. “Stupidly healthy,” is actually how he’s described. Here are a few more gems from the write-up:

Here’s Mr. Biggles probably telling you where you can stick it. Via Pet Rescue

“Mr. Biggles (also known as Lord Bigglesworth) is an utter utter utter bastard. He looks gorgeous with his slinky shiny black fur and big yellow eyes… but beware. If he doesn’t like what you’re doing he will give you a nip! Sometimes he likes to swipe at your feet too. It just depends on what he can reach at the time.

“Mr. Biggles does not like to be thwarted. He throws a catty tantrum if he can’t go outside when he wants to be let out (and he wasn’t allowed outside for the first couple of weeks at his carer’s house so there was a few tantrums!). Not being fed on time, or allowed to strut across the kitchen benches helping himself to whatever is there is also a tantrum inducing exercise.”
 

 
The profile has gotten so much attention that rescue workers have now created a website just for the cat: utterbastardcat.com. According to the rescue’s description, he’ll be publishing more about his life including “stalking chickens 101” and “how to play with a dog and not kill it.”

We hope this cat winds up with the right family, and doesn’t torture it too much. If you are interested in adopting Mr. Biggles, visit his adoption profile here or email humanslave@utterbastardcat.com.

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