Neuticles: I Thought Nothing Could Shock Me

Sometimes my job is so much fun. Last week I was looking through a bunch of e-mails that came in when I put out an industry-wide request for images for our January issue. Manufacturers send us photos of their products all the time and that’s usually where we get most of our images.

There were coats and sweaters and collars, food and treats and bows—some on the high-end, some affordable for anyone. And then I opened an e-mail about a product called Neuticles.

With so many e-mails coming in, I sometimes just scan the text and look at the photo quickly to see what I’m dealing with so I can file it appropriately and move on. But Neuticles gave me pause.

The image looked like a stone. Was it some kind of accessory for a pet collar? Was it a healing stone for pets, something that might go into our section that covers gift items for pet lovers? I had to slow down and look closer.

Neuticles are, in a sense, “stones.” In the sense of what a mob guy might call them in a movie, as in “That guy’s got some stones on him.”

I regret to inform you that Neuticles are “falsies” for male dogs and cats. I have seen a lot of wild products in my time as the editor of Pet Style News and of course I’d heard of people giving their pets implants during neutering, but this was the first time I’d been faced with the product itself (I imagine there are different brands too, but as yet I’m not a testicular implant expert).

What could I learn about them? Well of course sometimes the most interesting thing about a product in my industry is how much it costs. Turns out Neuticles range from $69 each for the “Original” version in its smallest size to $919 for the “Ultra Plus” model in its largest size. The latter is promoted for its “precise reproduction of the pet’s organ” and its inclusion of the epididymis. If you don’t know what that is, Google it. At the office. I dare you (don’t really).

I can’t say I understand the motivation behind giving your dog testicular implants. Surely in our species there must be some stigma when one loses one’s “stones,” but what’s so lovely about dogs is that there’s really no such thing as stigma with them. It’s probably just one less thing to clean as far as they’re concerned. Or, two I guess.

However, I have a feeling there might be a few men out there who might see it differently. Maybe seeing the absence of the organs after neutering is too disturbing to them. Who am I to judge?

But overall, Neuticles make the “wacky list” for me.

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Dogs · Lifestyle