Fanglish: Cats on Furniture

Desk accessory, Mattress topper, File folder: cats take an active role in decorating our homes.

Cats enjoy our furniture for many reasons. Some furniture provides an excellent surface for napping or lounging, other pieces are perfect for hiding, and still others seem to exist for pure play. So, as you can probably guess, this week’s cat slang lesson is all about our cats’ relationship with the furniture in our homes.

The feline informant that provides me with these top-secret Fanglish terms each week thought it would be appropriate to deliver the lesson to me in my living room, while stretched across my coffee table. Makes sense, right? Even though the mood was chill, he reminded me to remind you – like every week – this underground cat lingo should not be shared with the cats in your life. He mentioned something about “proprietary” and “world domination.”

With that in mind, here’s this week’s cat slang lesson.

Booking a cruise
Walking across a bookshelf.

Miss Whiskers thought Oreo was sleeping under the bed, but she was booking a cruise.

Desk accessory
Adorning a human’s desk in any way, shape or form.

The Lady looked for her tax return paperwork but never found it because Harold, a desk accessory, was sleeping on top of them.

Getting cheeky
The act in which a human decides, instead of disturbing a cat by moving her from a chair, to balance a single butt cheek on the edge of said chair.

The Lady immediately got cheeky when she noticed Snowball was fast asleep in her desk chair.

Blanket statement
A message to a human who is making a bed that he or she will sleep or play under a blanket during the process.

The Man’s efforts at spreading the new quilt on his bed were thwarted by Kissy Pants, who decided to make a blanket statement.

Little match girl
A female cat whose fur matches the furniture or clothing on which she’s shed.

Running behind, The Lady grabbed her favorite white sweater and was grateful Snowflake was a little match girl.

File folder
A cat who folds him or herself in order to fit in a small space behind the files in a file cabinet drawer.

Moose was too big to sleep in the file cabinet, but petite Gracie was a real file folder.

Recovery effort
When a human places new fabric on top of a clawed piece of furniture.

Cinnamon laughed at The Lady’s recovery effort of the new corduroy on top of her favorite scratching sofa.

Throwing shade
Racing across furniture, and knocking a lamp over in the process.

Popcorn was faster than Buttons, and also better at throwing shade.

Mattress topper
A cat who lies on top of a bare mattress while a human is washing sheets.

The Lady brought the clean sheets into the bedroom, and noticed Felix and Crackers were mattress toppers.

In someone else’s drawers

Lying in an open dresser drawer, especially one containing undergarments.

After Tabitha and Monkey ate breakfast, they were tired and decided to climb in someone else’s drawers.

That’s all for now, friends. Come back next week for a brand new Fanglish cat slang le

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