Three days ago, Canine Detective ablom2009 of the Imgur unit woke to find white feathers all over the hallway.
The detective hypothesized that a bird was the victim. The victim’s body was not seen, so the investigation continued.
The first Golden Retriever, Fenway, was seen at the end of the hall. He appeared calm. No feathers implicated him as the suspect. Still, abloom2009 knew he had to be questioned. The questioning concluded that Fenway’s possible motive was that he was, in fact, a dog. Fortunately for Fenway he had an airtight alibi: “He’s a good boy” (i.e. no criminal past).
Canine Detective ablom2009 continued his investigation, only to find additional white feathers in the kitchen. He noted that another suspect had to be nearby.
He was right. Brittany was present on the scene. She’d already been in the books from previous charges under the alias “Confession Bear Lookalike.” Not to mention the motivation of being a dog. Plus, she had feathers all over her when she was found. The detective did not arrest Brittany, due to her alibi, which, like Fenway’s, was irrefutable: She’s 13 years old. The investigation continued.
The feather trail led directly to the living room. Detective ablom2009 sensed the case would come to a close soon.
Where there are feathers, there must be a victim. And a suspect. The detective’s report stated that Golden Retriever Jackson was found amidst an array of white feathers, revealing the victim to be a pillow, rather than the previously thought bird. Jackson had no alibi. When questioned, he reportedly stated that the pillow just exploded without reason. He’d tried to save it, but to no avail.
Jackson’s story was not believed and he was subsequently charged and booked. His mug shot is now in the Imgur records for all eternity (or at least until Canine Detective ablom2009 feels the case is no longer needed in the records).
This has been Canine CSI. Take a look at a previous episode, when Matzo the dog knocked over the victim’s trashcan on purpose, then proceeded to make the slowest getaway on record.