Cats love their humans, but are puzzled by some of their strange behavior. Why would a person want to fold the pieces of a perfectly comfortable pile of laundry? Why would they wake up in the middle of the night and not feed the cats? What is this little rainstorm they stand under every morning? These are just a few of the questions that swirl around inside the feline brain when they think about us humans.
Right on schedule, my feline informant met with me today, ready to share some Fanglish cat slang terms that describe the way kitties think about us and some of our odd habits. As usual, I traded him a nice bag of chicken treats in exchange for the top-secret information. And as usual, he gobbled them up before our meeting was even over. He’s a complete freak when it comes to the chicken treats and will do anything to score a bag, even breach the trust of his fellow felines by feeding me bits and pieces of their underground language. I don’t mind, though – the more I know about my cats, the better off I’ll be when they make their final move toward world domination. And, my friends, I willingly share this information with you. Because I care.
Are you ready for this week’s offering? Here we go – terms used to describe some of the weird things humans do.
Closing a door, thereby preventing a cat’s entrance into a room.
Macaroni wanted to nap in the guest bedroom, but then he saw The Lady walking up and down the hallway, doorking out in every room.
A whiny human talking on a phone.
Claude’s dinner was late because the whine cell-er was still on the phone with her mother.
A human’s collecting of the bedding for laundering.
The Man moved a disgruntled Patches from the pile of sheets during bedding collection.
Closed for business
Closed window blinds, preventing the very important business of birdwatching.
After her nap, Snowflake wanted to watch birds, but discovered the blinds had been closed for business.
A human’s removal of perfectly good boxes.
Hector could hardly believe his eyes when he saw The Lady boxing out the Costco banana box.
When a human places new fabric on top of a clawed piece of furniture.
Muffin laughed in confusion at The Lady’s recovery effort on the new corduroy on top of her favorite scratching sofa.
A human’s early morning attempt at quietly visiting the facilities, hoping not to alert the cats because breakfast time is still two hours away.
Mittens was not fooled by The Lady’s tiptoe tinkle and immediately began mewing and pacing.
The place where a human relieves herself.
Felix saw The Lady sit on the watering hole and immediately jumped on her lap.
Curtain of rain
A human’s shower that happens behind a shower curtain.
Lucy worried about The Lady, who seemed to be caught behind a curtain of rain every morning.
A human who wants to fold clean clothing, thereby dividing a cat from her pile of laundry.
Cheeto hissed when the folder divider removed her from the full laundry basket.
That’s it for this week. Remember to come back next week for more cat slang, and until then … keep these little gems to yourselves!