Cats have definite ideas about Santa. They’re extremely sensitive about visitors in their home, and some stranger with a jolly laugh who simply appears with no prior notice is certain to elicit some strong feline feelings. Not all are bad, mind you – but as we all know, cats are quite expressive.
My feline informant brought me a list of Santa-themed cat slang this week. He told me that no matter how many times St. Nick visits his home, he’s still freaked out at the sound of the reindeer hooves and sleigh bells on his rooftop. He thinks it’s all worth it, though. Full stockings of goodies are a fine trade-off. Even though it’s the holiday season, and many of us are feeling generous, he insisted I still pay him in chicken treats. These weekly peeks into the top-secret Fanglish language don’t come cheaply. Oh, and please keep all this business to yourself. Top-secret means our cats can’t know we know they know we know. You know.
On to the Fanglish lesson!
Occupying Santa’s open bag while he places presents underneath a Christmas tree.
?As soon as Santa moved toward the tree, Marshmallow knew it was time for baggage claiming.
The crumbs left on a plate that once held cookies for Santa.
Potato Chip awoke, realized she missed Santa, wandered to the kitchen table and proceeded to enjoy a crumby Christmas.
Santa’s nickname when he handles crinkly gifts.
Fluffy heard strange sounds coming from the next room, sneaked in, and saw Kris Krinkle placing gifts underneath the tree.
A cat who follows Santa throughout the house, licking the melted snow that drips from his boots.
Milk Toast met Santa at the fireplace, and became a Santa tracker for the next half-hour.
Anxious because Santa’s placing gifts under a Christmas tree, thus removing a cat’s holiday sleeping spaces.
Pizza felt present tense when the area under the Christmas tree began getting crowded with wrapped packages.
An irritating reindeer making loud clomping sounds on the roof.
Gus wanted to sleep, but the Rude-olph’s hooves were keeping him awake.
Clause and effect
A cat’s reaction after hearing the Santa-related noises in the house.
Ginger, experiencing Clause and effect, hid under the guest room bed.
Scent of fresh rein
The smell of reindeer on Santa’s clothing.
Maxwell was used to the dog odor on Aunt Mona’s coat, but was unfamiliar with the scent of fresh rein that came down the chimney with Santa.
The sounds of thrashing of bells and chaos that happens when Santa’s sleigh lands on a roof.
?Patches and Peaches jumped out of the cat condo when they heard the Sleigher concert coming from roof.
Ho, ho, home invasion
The entrance of a stranger named Santa, causing a cat to completely lose his mind.
Bitsy climbed the living room drapes when he saw the ho, ho, home invasion happening.
That’s it for now. Come back next week for another Fanglish lesson, and keep these top-secret terms to yourself!