Cats are naturally lazy. Surprised? Nah, I didn’t think so. Sure, some kitties have more energy than others, but generally speaking, they have a pretty strong lackadaisical gene. Because these felines spent a good part of their days in a relaxed state, they definitely have a string of cat slang terms to describe the many colors of their lethargy.
My feline informant brought this week’s top-secret cat slang to me between his naps. Even though he’s a reliable source for all things Fanglish, he’s still a cat, and requires many hours of sleep. Of course I understand and cut him some slack. I mean, I feel lucky that he shares this underground cat language with us. How else are we going to know what our cats are doing when we’re not looking? Of course they have their own slang. We just can’t ever let on that we know about this secret language. My informant would find himself in all kinds of trouble, and we can’t have that.
So here you go – this week’s cat slang lesson, all about laziness!
Flipping a bird
A disinterested cat’s placating paw-swat at a bird wand-toy.
The Lady wanted sleepy Felix to play with the new toy, so he flipped a bird to satisfy her.
Looking at a human sweeping a floor, with no intention of moving so the entire floor can be swept.
The Lady needed to clean up the crumbs on the dining room floor, but Callie gave her a sweeping gaze.
The cocking of a sleeping cat’s ear as she hears a human address her and considers if she might wake up or if she might not.
Snowball showed an ear might when The Lady called her from the other room.
Stairing him/her down
Sitting on a stair step, watching a human maneuver around an unmoveable cat.
As The Man carried a giant box up the stairs, Licorice staired him down from a step the middle of the staircase.
A meow and yawn that happen simultaneously.
Fluffbutt’s meyawn indicated he was torn between napping and going back for seconds of dinner.
A cat’s false believe that he’s completely concealed in a chosen hiding spot.
Patches’ wanted to nap, but her unreliable coverage behind the curtains meant The Man’s nephew would find her.
Bed and breakfast
The act of falling asleep beside a food dish, after enjoying a meal.
Cappy’s belly was so full after her morning meal that she decided to bed-and-breakfast for a while.
An intentional avoidance of a human’s gaze.
Maxwell was didn’t feel like entertaining The Man, so he gave him a vision statement when he called his name.
Low batting average
A cat’s few lazy bats administered to another cat who wants raucous play.
Stripes wanted Porkchop to wake up and wrestle, but was met with a low batting average.
Poos and snooze
The act of falling asleep in a litter box.
Miss Kitty was startled to wake up from a session of poos and snooze.
Please join us again next week for a new list of terms. And remember … shhh!