In this week’s Fanglish cat-slang lesson, we take on cat feet. Anything kitty-feet related, by the way, is an automatic win for me. I’m a total sucker for the paws! Imagine my excitement when my feline informant brought me a list of cat slang all related to that very subject! Truly, I love all parts of the feline form, but there’s something about those paws that gets me every time. I probably have about 9349802 photos of cat feet stored on my computer. And you know what? Just as I typed that last line, my Cosmo stretched and his toes extended into the perfect little fan. Squee!
My little kitty informant thinks I’m a big weirdo, mostly because I stared at his paws the whole time he reviewed this week’s lesson with me. Hey, it’s not my fault they’re so cute. I’d tell you exactly what they look like, but then I’d compromise his secret identity. He’s not supposed to be sharing anything about this secret cat languauge with me; however, cats will do anything for snacks, and chicken treats are his weakness. Hey, it’s a small price to pay for a peek into underground kitty lingo.
OK, folks – here you go! Time to “paws” and learn this week’s Fanglish lesson. Sorry about that one.
All tucked in
All four feet tucked underneath a cat loaf.
The Lady wanted to play with Caesar, but saw he was lying in a sun puddle, all tucked in, and left him alone.
A forceful swat from an angry cat who means business.
Peanut threw down some claw enforcement when he saw Snowflake eating his plate of chicken cutlets and gravy.
The longest distance an item can be swatted with a single paw.
Leon thought he’d swatted the jingle ball pretty far, but soon found out Cookie held the record for maximum swattage.
Made from scratch
An injury caused by a cat’s scratch.
The scab on The Lady’s foot was made from scratch.
Covering a lot of ground
The act of a cat “covering” an invisible spot on the ground.
Mittens wanted to play with Maurice, but he was busy covering a lot of ground.
Battery losing charge
A sleepy cat’s attempt at batting an object.
Magnolia wanted to play with the catnip rat, but her battery was losing charge.
The cat who makes the first swat in a cat fight.
In all the pre-dinner romps, Maurice was the leadoff hitter.
Feets of strength
Strong feet, especially rabbit-kicking back feet.
The Man kissed Kiki’s belly, but was met with her feets of strength.
Any sort of paper (wrapping, news, copy) on top of which a cat feels he must walk.
The Lady began wrapping birthday presents, therefore presenting Sweetie with her walking papers.
The exact center of a human’s full bladder that, when kneaded, creates a look of pain on a human’s face.
Petunia knew she’d hit The Lady’s kneadlepoint when she said a bad word and ran to the bathroom.
That’s it for now. Come back next week for another Fanglish lesson, and keep these top-secret terms to yourself!