Cat Slang: Cat Baths

Night moves, Detailing ... Licker license? What phrases do you suspect your cats use to describe their bathing habits?

Cats are excellent bathers and most of them pride themselves on their tidy looks. In addition to their lengthy bath routines that occur after meals and treats, they engage in regular washing sessions throughout the day. I’ve seen my cat awake from a deep sleep, fastidiously clean for a few minutes, and then dive right back into dreamland.

This week’s cat slang lesson is all about that very subject: bathing. And because cleanliness is such a vital part of our kitties’ day, you can bet your boots there are several Fanglish words they throw around while discussing the topic amongst themselves. That’s right – let me remind you that Fanglish is an underground language that cats keep hidden from humans. The cool part is that I know this little feline informant guy who shares these lessons with me every week in exchange for some chicken cat treats. And then I pass the lesson right along to you because we have to stay on top of all this behind-the-scenes cat business. They’re already way smarter than us, right? We can’t risk any more steps toward total feline domination.

So here we go, friends – this week’s cat slang lesson, all about the cat bath. I guess I don’t have to tell you to keep these terms to yourselves, but I’ll make it clear once again … keep these terms to yourself. OK, I’ve done my part. Now to the lesson!

Cleaning tip
The tip of a cat’s tongue that’s sticking out of his mouth after a bath.

The Lady saw Buster’s cleaning tip and knew he’d finished his post-meal bath.

Bottom feeding

Loudly cleaning one’s rear area.

The Man was trying to read, but Marshmallow’s bottom feeding in the next room disturbed his concentration.

Lickety split

Sharing the job of bathing another cat.

While Pedro was napping on the sofa, Hondo and Meatball decided to lickety split him.

Chews wisely
Chews and licks toes in an efficient manner.

Butterfly took a full half-hour to clean her feet, but Oreo was known to chews wisely.

Ain’t too proud to leg

Unabashedly holding one’s back leg in the air for an extended amount of time while licking one’s rear region.

The Lady’s cocktail party guests were distracted by Mocha who ain’t too proud to leg.

Devoting an extraordinarily lengthy time and effort into bathing one’s tail.

Lester always took twice as along as everyone else to bathe because of his intense detailing.

Licking one’s coat while lying in a sun puddle.

Waffles took advantage of the beautiful day by sunshining by the patio door.

Singing in the shower
Meowing while licking the food off one’s mouth, resulting in a garbled sound.

The Lady petted Monroe after his dinner, and he responded by singing in the shower.

Night moves
Loud bathing noises that keeps humans from falling asleep at night.

The Man was dead tired, but Gumby’s night moves kept him awake an extra half hour.

Licker license
A cat’s right to lick a human at any given time.

Leroy applied his licker license on The Lady while she watched Dr. Phil.

That’s it for now. Come back next week for another Fanglish lesson, and keep these top-secret terms to yourself!

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