Cat Reviews

"A Review of My Cat" takes note of kitty quirks and puts them in a neat and tidy grading system. Where does your cat rank?

Face it, just when you think you know cats you don’t. You can try to sum them up all you want, but cats don’t really care what you think about them. They, however, seem to have no issue with summing you up (or for some fearless felines, it’s more of a matter of sizing you up). And while some cats do like to be put in a box, cats can be a tricky bunch to summarize.  So us humans have to do it on the sly, when kitty is napping — which, come to think of it — gives us plenty of time to analyze and come to conclusions. If you’re looking for some inspiration, pick up a copy of “Review of My Cat.”

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One look at the cover photo — “big boned” cat sitting Ed Bundy style on a couch giving you the “What you looking at?” stare — and you’ll catch on that some reviews are less flattering than others. That guy scored a C-. What’s inside are photos of real cats graded by their owners, based on “Appearance”; “Sociability,” “Usefulness”; and Huggability.” The book is broken up into multiple chapters: “The Good,” “The Bad,” “The Really Bad,” “The Ugly,” and “The Useless.” Cats in “The Good” chapter rank high in appearance and huggability (with grades ranging mostly As and Bs) and many make the grade for “Usefulness.” Surprise, surprise … “The Good” cats comprise the smallest chapter of the book. When you move on to “The Bad,” the grades start to dip, especially in “Sociability” and “Huggability.” For example, a cat named Tinhoso got a letter grade of D for “Usefulness” and you can see why: “Because of his tendency to annoy Boo, I always have to separate them, and during this time Tinhoso can inevitably be found sleeping in front of the keyboard, farting and hitting a bunch of keys.”

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My fav is Mr. Peterson, a graduate of “The Useless.” He got a B in “Sociability” but with this note, “Sometimes he can be a little emo and sit in the middle of the floor and stare off into the distance for hours on end.” Sound familiar?

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