10 Reasons Not to Give Cats Credit Cards

We’re counting down the top 10 reasons you shouldn’t give a cat your credit card.

OK, this list is going to be a silly one, so stay with me. Of course I know cats can’t use the computer, talk on the phone, or host parties, but for the sake of complete absurdity, please humor me. We’re counting down the top 10 reasons you shouldn’t give a cat your credit card. And some of the reasons are actually realistic! I’m serious!

10. They’d book you on a salmon fishing expedition
Of course they would, because in their mind, you’d bring all that salmon home with you –and how could you possibly eat it all of that by yourself?

9. They’d take an online course on starting an eBay business

They’d pay for the class with your credit card, and then slowly sell all your stuff on eBay. With the cash, they’d be able to score some street nip from feral dealers. Those guys don’t take credit cards, you know.

8. They’d spend hours on psychic chat lines
They’d ask questions about what kind of treats you’re buying and where you keep the bags of catnip. They’d also probably inquire if you’ve been cheating with other cats.

7. They’d order clothes
No, no – the clothes aren’t a surprise for you. They’re for them … to use for beds. Every cat knows piles of clothing make the best sleeping spots. They’d probably order the clothing in colors that would especially feature their hair.
6. They’d order a case of TP

Why would they waste time with a single roll when they could get creative with an entire case of toilet paper? Plus, they could have friends over and really tear it up. Haha.

5. They’d host a giant catnip party

Speaking of inviting friends over, they’d hop online and order industrial-sized bags of catnip and cases of treats. Then they’d invite all their feline friends over for a shindig. There would probably be a case of toilet paper there, too.

4. They’d chew it

That’s just the plain truth of it. After using it for party planning and whatnot, they’d chew it right up. What is it with cats and plastic?

3. They’d drop it in their water bowl
Cats love to drop their toys in their water bowl, so why wouldn’t they send the credit card for a swim? I mean, they just chewed it, so it was kind of like a toy.

2. They’d swat it under the fridge
After all the chewing and swimming, the card has nothing left to do but enjoy a swift swat under the fridge, never to be seen again. Like you could use it anymore anyway.

And the No. 1 reason you shouldn’t give a cat your credit card is … drumroll, please!

1. They’d place multiple orders on Amazon.com

It really wouldn’t matter what they’d order – they’d just want the boxes. For this reason, they’d order everything separately, resulting in a wide variety of box sizes appearing on the doorstep. They’d chew the tape off the boxes, empty them, and create “Boxtown” before you arrived home. Then they’d look completely innocent.

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